Previously: 1.1, 1.2, 1.3, 1.4, 1.5

Season Two starts off with the theft(!) of the family’s pet garden gnome and the birthday of lovely Ivy who is now able to vote and legally drink. After graduating from high school with honors, Ivy promptly joined the local soccer team and continued her quest to make the world skinny.

Her first victim was half-sister Hayley, who it turns out is now the girlfriend to a man named Stiles. Yes, that Stiles. Since Innloine never informed her youngest daughter about her first marriage, let alone husband, Ivy was pretty clueless on why this situation might be awkward. Even after being informed, Ivy didn’t care.

Iris was pretty determined to make her and Marcus official, so after work they met up at the beach where Iris was very impressed with some random tourist. The tourist ran away as fast as she could. No matter! Sim City doesn’t require witnesses so the two lovebirds switched to more formal attire and said their vows.

Deciding to stop by for a visit, Isabelle reveals her plump stomach: it would seem she would not only beat Iris to the altar, but she would be the one to make Innloine a grandmother first. Iris is not happy about this and a lifelong competition (that only Iris is aware of) shall begin.

Iris explains to Marcus that she needed to get with child yesterday so he better step up his game and take a couple of little blue pills. Be careful what you wish for.

Upon confirming her pregnancy, Marcus gives himself a thumbs up on a job well done.

No one really cares to know what Iris did during her pregnancy so let’s fast forward to her going into labor in the bathroom.

Izzy (yes…Izzy) comes home to his new attic bedroom that he shares with his parents and aunt Ivy. Unlike her own parents, Iris actually got the gender she desired!

The birth of their son was just the kick Marcus and Iris needed to pump up their careers because no one in their right mind would want to share a room with Satan Spawn II.

On the rare occasions when Izzy isn’t crying and pooping he stares with evil intent at his grandmother. Innloine avoids the baby as much as she can.

After poking some holes in Marcus’ condoms, Iris finds herself giving sacrifice to the porcelain god once again.

Izzy grows up a very…interesting looking toddler. From some angles, especially those blocking most of his face, he almost looks decent.

Feeling the beginnings of new life inside her isn’t enough to quell Iris’ rage when she goes to visit her sister: She might soon outnumber her in offspring but Isabelle still has a larger bank account even if her husband doesn’t work or even know how to spell the word “employment”. Bitterness.

Meanwhile, Izzy cries.

Marcus decides to ask his wife about her weight gain and is informed about the facts of life.

And just in time, too! Soon after breaking the news to Marcus, Iris’ water breaks during breakfast. Innloine panics before figuring out to take her daughter to the hospital, Reuben breaks out into interpretive dance, and Izzy just wants his damn toys.

With everyone out of the house, Reuben takes out his weapon of choice and confronts little Izzy.

And promptly takes him over to a waiting birthday cake so he can grow up and wipe himself from now on.

Iris and Marcus’ new son, Ion, once home, proceeds to scream just as loudly as his elder brother did. So much so, that the camera crew decided to just forget about filming until he grew up enough to know when to sleep like normal sims. To the delight of everyone but Izzy, Ion looks far more human looking.

In rare moments the children almost seem angelic.

Those who live with them know it is all a lie. Ion screams more as a toddler than he did as an infant and in a higher frequency than his brother. Izzy has no motivation and zones out in front of the TV.

Iris’ one comfort is a visit from her niece, Marissa, who is just as awkward looking as her cousin Izzy. Isabelle doesn’t have it all after all!

Previously: Episode One, Episode Two, Episode Three, Episode Four

Time for more birthdays! The twins now leave teenage-land behind to join the ranks of unemployed young adults. A birthday cake was purchased (for Innloine saw no need to waste money on two cakes) and Iris, although the last born, got to blow out her candles first. It is possible her birthday wish involved her father somehow and not in a way he would like. Isabelle just liked having birthday parties.

When it came time for Isabelle, the young woman was getting a little antsy to have some cake in her belly. Joanne would have liked some cake but one look at her stepmother convinced her it might be best to eat an apple. Ivy was ignored and left to fend for herself in the living room. And yes, Innloine is nearly always in her underwear.

Everyone, including Iris, was surprised when Iris started having an immense desire to get married and start a family. Isabelle just wanted a job so she could buy a better couch. And to get laid by Osvaldo.

It is now we pause and reflect on an incident that occurred just before Isabelle left to get her hair done: a fire broke out in the kitchen. A fire also broke out on one of the girls’ previous birthdays. It would seem the Fire God is trying to tell the world something about these oh so loving twins. Innloine seemed only mildly curious about these freakish incidents.

During this period Ivy managed to go from toddler to child and from child to teen without anyone in the family really noticing.

Reuben did begin to notice the increase in male activity in the household. When Ivy brought home a “friend” dressed like hippie, Reuben could control himself no longer and pleaded with the young man to leave his daughter alone and save the family from looking at his horrible wardrobe. Did they not suffer enough having to live in a home decorated by Innloine?

After a make out session lasting until two in the morning, Isabelle decided enough was enough and proposed to Osvaldo. And, further proving she is Innloine 2.0, she did it in front of the garbage can. Osvaldo was not offended in the least and said yes.

Not to be outdone, Iris moved in a wigga off the street named Marcus. He cleaned bed pans at the hospital, but at least he was gainfully employed! Although it would seem Iris cared little about his actual job or personality for that matter.

Needless to say, when Innloine woke up the next morning she was not a happy camper. She promptly forced Iris and her new boytoy to move upstairs into the attic. The downside was she could now hear everything these two did in their brand new bed while she herself tried to catch some shuteye.

Isabelle, being the impatient creature that she is, met up with Osvaldo after work one day and had a marriage ceremony then and there. Sick of living in cramped quarters, she promptly left the homestead and moved into the Goth mansion with new hubby.

In a surprising twist, a man proposed to a Francois girl. And indoors! Marcus pledged to move up in his career and give Iris many babies if she would only accept his ring. Iris can’t say no to a man in a wifebeater and so she said yes.

With Isabelle out of the nest and Ivy having no interest in the matter, it seemed Innloine had no choice but to declare Iris her heir. At least she is minty fresh!

Previously: Episode One, Episode Two, Episode Three

BIRTHDAY TIME!!!! Both girls were just thrilled to pieces to be entering the horror show known as puberty. They were so gleeful Innloine threatened to send them off to visit their (dead) grandmother. Just look at Iris! She’s so happy she’s nearly jumping out of her skin.

The girls grew into young ladies who still looked very much like their cheatin’ daddy. And despite being a teen, Isabelle has already developed bags under her eyes. Perhaps this is a lesson about spending your childhood years with nose pressed against the TV screen. Iris grew her hair out and began checking the sink and stove on a regular basis.

As a celebratory gift for the whole family, Iris had a new pool installed in the backyard. It was rather small, but it is the thought that counts. However, even though initially excited and eager to dip his feet into the cool waters, Stiles came to the sudden conclusion that swimming in a pool built by Iris wouldn’t be good for his health.

With her “Drown Papa” plan a flop, Iris tried a different attack. And thus it was that late one evening she approached her mother and told her how very sorry she was, so sorry!, for the transgressions her father had committed. It would seem Innloine was unaware of the extent of Stiles’ fling with Zelda. Oops! 0:)

After changing out of her underwear, Innloine goes to confront Stiles who admits to his affair through snobs and snot. Innloine is not impressed and kicks him out of the house tout de suite. But don’t feel sorry for homegirl! It seems she was already on very “friendly” terms with her boss, Reuben Deloach. After divorcing her hubby she goes into the bathroom (but of course) and invites potential lover boy over.

After a few drinks and grilled cheese sandwiches, Innloine whipped out a ring (doubtful she payed for a real stone this time either) and proposed to Reuben. Next to the garbage can. You stay classy, Inny!

Reuben, learning from Stiles mistakes, decided to make clear to his potential love interest that he only really had interest in being friends. This move perhaps saved his life from his step-daughter.

Innloine, being Innloine, demanded a consummation of the marriage ASAP in her wonderfully decorated red bedroom. Reuben was happy to oblige and even more happy to plant his seed in her belly. Innloine spent the next few weeks in her favorite part of the house: the bathroom, of course!

Reuben thought it would be best to introduce himself to his new family in his most natural self. This didn’t go over well with anyone, Iris most of all, although later she claimed she was mostly just frustrated with her mother’s choice of home decor.

This man was full of surprises! He not only had four plus sized children–Barry, Collin, Hayley and Joanne–he didn’t tell Innloine about, he then decided to move them in the house without asking or even suggesting.

Innloine was a kind soul and only kicked out the oldest three who were young adults and thus capable of paying rent somewhere else. Joanne, still in high school, was allowed to stay under the condition that she sleep where her stepmother told her to, and stopped eating all the food like her older sister. Reuben, for whatever reason, raised no objections to his wife’s treatment of his youngest child. Maybe because the diet seemed to work. Until she moved out but that’s a different story.

Iris made it a point to stare at Joanne and make her feel uncomfortable. They became fast friends.

One morning Innloine was rushed off to the hospital to give birth to a baby girl, Ivy. Reuben, showing off those fatherly skills of his, stayed home in his pjs and watched Oprah reruns.

Iris showed off her love for new baby sis by attempting to abandon Ivy at the local gym.

The baby was fed and cleaned regularly but mostly ignored while her mother spent time gossiping about Stiles with Jared. In front of Stiles. Ivy would become a toddler with little to no fanfare.

In a rare appearance of karma, Innloine also had a birthday and was ignored throughly by her own daughter Isabelle. Innloine didn’t seem to notice the lack of notice she was paid.

Showing she really is like her mother even if she looks nothing like her, Isabelle was rejected outright for a first kiss by Osvaldo Goth. He patted her on the shoulder and told her to “cheer up, kid”. The next day she put on perfume, spiked his cola, and made out on the couch while Innloine looked on and thought of buying condoms “just in case”.

Previously: Episode One, Episode Two

Isabelle and Iris have grown from toddlers into children who look nothing like their mother but everything like their father.

It was now time to send the little ones off to learn and play at school; to gain new friends and experience new things and give mom and dad time to be away from them. Such a normal event in a person’s life and yet, for some reason viewers felt a little scared and mighty concerned for the safety of the girls’ bus driver.

Perhaps it was the fact that the girls seem to have taken on the personas of the children of the corn.

Stiles meanwhile started an affair with his poorly dressed coworker Zelda.

Innloine seemed a bit naive about what was going on, and even attempted to calm down Zelda after she had a freak out over Stiles and Innloine kissing in front of her. Stiles is not proving to be a very smart man. However, it did reveal Zelda’s true character.

This strapping young man dreaming of knives and seemingly sleeping in a six-year old’s bedroom, is Zelda’s husband Jared. Why is Jared sleeping in a little girl’s bed? Why, because Stiles and Zelda took their make out sessions to her home and proceeded to not only dry hump in front of her husband, but to also have a little woohoo in her marriage bed.

Jared doesn’t think much of Stiles and not only pokes fun of him but slaps him around like a little bitch when Zelda isn’t looking. For some reason, he refuses to divorce his trifling wife.

Because Stiles is just that smart, he then arranges a hookup with Zelda while out at the gym with his daughter Iris. Iris, aka Satan Spawn, does not take to this matter as easily as her mother did. Not at all in fact. She yelled at her father and threatened to kill his ho. Neither adult took her seriously. This might be a mistake on their parts.

Once back home, Stiles tries to reconnect with his angry daughter by talking to her through the family teddy bear Sam. Despite making kissy faces at the stuffed bear, their relationship does not improve.

Meanwhile Isabelle, being a true couch potato, bemoans the family’s lack of a couch.

Iris was a grumpy child, even after a quick wash with Rogaine. Some may argue she was Satan’s child herself. Nothing could make her happy, and god forbid her mother attempt to show here where “stank stank” should go: Iris was having none of that.

Innloine was far too hungry and impatient to deal with the little demon and left the parenting to Stiles while she went fishing.

Later that week Stiles had a birthday party with only himself as company. Neither Innloine nor Isabelle could find it in themselves to pay attention to the poor fool.

Innloine, perhaps in an attempt to make up for her lack of mothering earlier, tried to socialize devil child but unfortunately the only time Iris doesn’t give people the evil eye is when she is asleep. While resting she almost seems angelic.

Most people, especially women, would tell you that sticking a screwdriver into a television set is probably not the brightest thing in the world. But Stiles isn’t most people or a woman and thought the best way to learn how to fix things was to just jump right in and jam metal objects into strange holes and crevices.

Innloine wasn’t surpised when Stiles set himself on fire and was none too pleased about the mess he made.

The fire department did eventually show up, although they took much too long in the now singed Stiles opinion. Innloine was still freaking out about the mess.

This also happened on the day of the twins’ birthday. Omen, perhaps? At least they no longer would have to worry about their worthless babysitter. And for his part, he escaped the evil one.

Meet Innloine Francois. She inherited her daddy’s ears, her daddy’s nose, but only her little sisters inherited daddy’s money and love. Thus, she transplanted herself in Sunset Valley hoping for a new start. Unfortunately, after finding a place to live, buying a bed to sleep in, and a toilet to do you know what in, she was left with only twenty-eight bucks. Finding a job as a cook was easy enough, finding food was a little more difficult.

After ringing some random doorbell, someone actually let her into their house. Upstairs she found a male; he wasn’t wet-your-pants pretty but nor was he gag-me-with-a-spoon ugly. He also didn’t mind Innloine creepily following him into the bathroom for “chat”.

His name is Stiles. He has a job, which was a huge bonus to Innloine, and he didn’t reject her flirts or kick her out of the house when she helped herself to some food. He did, however, say no to making out after only knowing her for a few hours. She sought comfort, and little did Stiles seem to realize she was merely softening him up for future use.

At her own home, Innloine showed the world that you don’t need furniture to enjoy a meal, and in fact maybe you can even get two things done at once! Even so, the juice drinks weren’t cutting it, so off she went to Stiles’ house for some free grub.

The days whirled by and Innloine managed to get Stiles in bed and into his heart. When she finally went down on one knee and flashed a ring (it was cubic zirconium) he said YES.

After marriage and moving in, Innloine was a bit disappointed to discover that Stiles wasn’t rich, he just had rich friends. Whenever she exited her morning shower she would shed tears. Whether from her fear of water, her worries over money, or because the shower was simply that good, is unclear.

Both Stiles and Innloine desired a bouncing baby boy, and so they quite eagerly went about the baby making process. Coming from a long line of fertile drones, it didn’t take much to get Innloine with child. The pregnancy was uneventful, but when they reached the hospital there were some second thoughts on whether they wanted to have their child here.

And, like all those who foolishly wish and pine for a specific gender, the Francois family was blessed with a girl. And, also, like all families who can’t afford to feed themselves let alone a child, they were blessed with two girls. We can only hope this isn’t a sign of how they feel about their daughters. Here are Isabelle and Iris:

Neither parent could afford to quit their jobs, so although they hated the expense, it was cheaper in the long haul to hire a babysitter. Even if he didn’t actually earn his pay.

Without inner walls Stiles found that his pee time was a little more like “family time” then he would have liked. Innloine didn’t let the lack of privacy stop her from making whoopee.

A painting of Zyke by his sister

One of kind paintings by Zyke

Zyke is a complicated young man. An unashamed snob he is also rumored to be downright evil when the mood strikes him, which is often. He is hot headed to a fault as his recent arrest for assault demonstrates. And yet, what provoked the fight with the unidentified older gentleman, was Zyke’s witnessing said older man and his sister-in-law Tracey Damodred engaging in romantic interactions. Clearly, Zyke might be evil, but he protects his family’s honor.

Zyke having some issues with a sink

Zyke is skilled not just with his guitar and paintbrush, but he is a long distance runner and hot dog master chief. He is not, however, a plumber as brother Tyler (husband to aformentioned Tracey Damodred) can tell you. On occasion simply washing his hands can cause a sink’s pipes to burst.

Having recently become a rock celebrity, chances are Zyke will simply hire people to do his plumbing, cleaning, and perhaps hot dog cooking. Two nights after his arrest and release, he was spotted at the local theater giving out autographs. Even his own brother-in-law, Philip Matsumoto, was jumping up and down like a pimply faced school girl.

Surprisingly, Zyke doesn’t have a different girl in every town. In fact, rumor has it the only girl he does have is engaged to someone else, and might even have a third man on the side. Zyke had no comment on his love life, let alone this specific rumor. It is clear he is no Tiger Woods, however. But he is a man in his own right.

ZYKE

After much digging and prodding the Cairhienin Police Department and District Attorney have both acknowledge that no charges or arrests are expected in the mysterious drowning death of Tamsin’s father, Leo, or in the burning death of the Count. Leo, as you may recall, was Melaidhrin’s gardener turned lover who meet with an unfortunate end in Melaidhrin’s own pool.  The Count died after being in the sun for an extended period, something that neighbors found strange being that most vampires avoid daylight. No one can explain why he was living with Melaidhrin in the first place.  Melaidhrin herself has been silent about the incidents.

Today Melaidhrin is single and living alone and seems to be holding the fort until her youngest daughter returns from college.

The Cairhienin Police Department released a vague statement about their investigation: Revealing little about whether they suspect foul play or not.

And in a scene straight out off of a soap opera Siuan Sanche gave birth to son Ewin; her second child with Kevin al’Thor. The couple all ready have an older son named Perrin. As you may recall, Kevin is Rand al’Thor’s eldest, his son with the late Elayne. He is also married to an alien named Elayne which raises awkward questions about his sex life. Siuan is still happily married to her husband Alric, who not only takes a part in his and Siuan’s sons’ lives (Huan and Logain), but also helps with his ill-gotten stepsons.